Family Caregivers' Blog is available to share helpful information to support families caring for those with dementia.
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What is a support group?
Today, we discussed how Ms. E’s mother's anxiety increased.
She wanted to leave the facility, had fallen, and even fell while trying to stand up. Even though Ms. E’s mother is in a care facility, she is still concerned about how to care for her as a family caregiver. When someone has more time alone or idle moments, anxiety can build up. Reducing the amount of time with nothing to do might help alleviate that anxiety.
This led to various suggestions from other participants: Japanese music CDs, Japanese DVDs, and audiobooks in Japanese (Ms. E’s mother used to enjoy reading before her vision declined). One idea was to add these activities to the facility’s care plan and ask caregivers to play CDs, DVDs, or audiobooks during idle times. Another participant later delivered a CD of nostalgic songs a local choir sang to Ms. E.
The people who join support groups understand the feelings of family caregivers and their situation, so they share ideas and help each other. While family caregivers often feel overwhelmed and trapped in their daily struggles, gathering in a support group allows them to acknowledge each other’s existence and offer mutual support. The solutions to problems may not come immediately but knowing they’re not alone makes a difference. Most people who join a support group initially come as someone needing support, but over time, they notice they also support others. As a facilitator, I can feel the strength of the participants! I hope the support group continues to be helpful to family caregivers.
Being Attuned to Feelings, Part 1
Today, we talked about Ms. N's mother and her experience with the Day Service. She attends the Day Service three times a week. While she doesn't remember what she did there, she always returns home in a good mood. The important thing is not what she did but how she feels and the emotions she experiences. It’s crucial to be attuned to those feelings. Instead of asking her, "What did you do?" Ms. N responds, "Oh, it sounds like you had a fun day doing lots of things!"
If she comes back feeling down and doesn’t remember what happened, Ms. N says things like, "Oh, it seems like today wasn't such a great day," or "There are days when we just feel off," recognizing and validating her mother's feelings. Doing this allows the caregiver and the person being cared for to spend favorable time together. This approach may also help reduce the stress of caregiving, even just a little.
A book titled Contented Dementia introduces perspectives on caring for family members with dementia. A digest version is available, though unfortunately, only in English. I’m attaching it for reference.
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Being Attuned to Feelings, Part 2
Ms. M’s mother lives in Japan, and her dementia has progressed, making it difficult for her to distinguish between dreams and reality at times. During Ms. M’s visit back to Japan, her mother woke up in the middle of the night, telling her son, who lives with her, that "a man came into the room, and she was too scared to sleep." Instead of dismissing it by saying, "Oh, you must have been dreaming. That's impossible," Ms. M’s bother understood her mother's fear and concern and responded by saying, "Let's go check the room together." They entered the mother's room, turned on the light, and confirmed no one was there. Ms. M gently reassured her mother, saying, "It looks like no one's here. It’s okay; you don’t need to worry." After hearing that, her mother relaxed, saying, "Oh, I see. That’s good." She soon forgot what she said earlier and fell asleep quickly.
By not fixating on whether there was a man in the room but instead focusing on her mother's feelings and calming her anxiety, Ms. M helped her mother feel at ease. As a result, they both went to bed in a good mood without arguing about it.
That said, constantly dealing with things that aren’t happening is a burden for family caregivers, mainly because it’s a daily occurrence. Handling these situations daily can be exhausting, and it’s natural to feel frustrated. Many participants in support groups talk about the stress they face, and it's perfectly normal to feel irritable at times. One way to cope with these situations is to create distance and take a break. If you reach a point where you feel like, "I can't take it anymore," it's essential to take time for yourself, whether it's going to another room or taking a short walk outside.
Ms. N often takes some distance and time when she feels like she’s reaching her limit with caregiving. After some time apart, Ms. N and her mother feel refreshed, and her mother even forgets any awkwardness or tension from before. Family caregivers can't always respond ideally to their loved one’s emotions, but taking breaks to reset and help each other maintain a positive
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